That one phrase… That one phrase has been stuck in my head since I decided I wanted to try blogging. A professor that I admire because she’s made media her life and is freaking amazing at it told me that. She told me blogs can be a lot of things but it’s not your “Dear Diary” moment.
So I overthink…I overthink anything I decide to write about and put on this site. (which has lead me to put
NOTHING!) Why? Because I don’t want anybody to misconstrued my opinion as facts and honestly some days I don’t want to do the research and analyze my thought process for something that’s considered “Worthy Content“. Also, I hate that I CONSTANTLY worry about if I’m talking grammatical correct. Like I will reread something I write a MILLION TIMES to make sure I don’t sound “ignorant” to the every day consumer. So yeah pretty much I’ve been Brain-Fucking myself (I used italics to make a dirty saying fancy)full of fears to keep me away from my passion.
Can someone explain to me if it’s really a big deal that sometimes I just want to write about my daily experiences and use slang? Instead of offering something educational, grammatically correct , with proper punctuation can I choose smut?(excuse me while I answer my own question) YES…YES IT IS A BIG DEAL and you want to know why I tell myself it is a big deal because I’m Black. (There’s this whole thing about how POC have to work twice as hard for the same opportunities it is a real thing LOOK IT UP)
I tell myself ALL THE TIME that I can not be the ghetto girl AND be educated at the same time. Who am I to think that’s a thing? The term “Code Switching” exists with people from different cultures for this reason. Even in a world that I’ve created for myself hence the name “Aijha’s World” I still have to choose which parts of me I want to present to the world, complete transparency is NEVER an option. Then I get asked “Why not just video blog? That way people can see and hear your personality and you’re not getting judged on your penmanship.” BECAUSE I WANT TO WRITE!!!! I can’t express how or why this is such a big part of me but it is and a piece of me always wants to go against what’s “grammatically correct” because day after day I’m reminded that this country made rules and bylaws that are not suitable for ALL mankind so why should language be any different. Like seriously some languages phrase stuff differently. Like we say “red car” while other languages might say “the car that is red” and that’s 100% ok. So again why can’t I still be considered smart if I type out wanna instead of want to?
I went to school for radio. I consider myself a radio personality and SO MUCH of my college experience was “making me sound like I could work in every market and not just have a “urban” sound.” So again I had to learn how to code switch in an personality based market. So FORK IT! I’m officially calling it. THIS…THIS WILL BE MY PLACE! My place where my “iMpRoPeR tRaItS” (and by that I mean slang and verbiage) will go. And if for some reason a consumer reads this a refuses to offer me a job then SO BE IT that opportunity wasn’t for me anyways lol.(sighs with relief)…
well guys thanks for coming to my TED Talk because this definitely wasn’t a “Dear Diary” moment and my professor would be proud.